Pinups, Life, and Other General Crap
Okay...I'll try to start off with something reasonably nice, today: I'm pretty sure the Max picture will be on the Lace Odyssey site, today. If you feel like it, cruise over there and take a look at all the cool pics by my fellow KeenSpace artists. I'm hoping to get another pic or two up there, this week, if possible. Here's the link: 2001: A Lace Odyssey. Lots of people participating, already!
Now for the downer stuff. Feel free to skip the rest of this rant, if you're having a great day and don't want it ruined. If you're having a crummy day, though, and want to feel the kindred spirit of misery, read on, my miserable brothers and sisters!!
First, the auto saga continues. I've knocked myself out trying to get my stupid Honda running, to no avail. I've reached my limit, as far as what I'm able to do on it, myself, and I have no money to pay a real mechanic or buy another car. So, I'm hereby giving up on the damned thing. Unless some miracle occurs--and soon!--the Honda is going to the car graveyard. I am now officially without a car, living in the middle of the desert, fourteen miles from the nearest civilization, with no bus service, no train, no rideshare, no anything. Life couldn't be better.
I am also severely depressed, again. There are a lot of factors involved in the reason, this time, though, some of which I think I should keep to myself. Most of the reasons involve money, health problems and my generally sucky life situation. I don't really know what to do about any of those things, either, as every time I try to make things better, I just end up making things worse. (Something Genjiro and I have in common, unfortunately: the ability to royally screw things up without even trying.)
Then, there are things happening to me right now that are beyond my control, entirely. Like certain people in my life feeling angry at me simply because I exist, and trying their best to make me feel unwanted and unwelcome and the cause of everything evil. It's not like I don't already feel unwelcome most everywhere I go, even at my own parents' home. It's not like I don't already feel like everything bad that happens to anyone around me is my fault. I'm really really tired of being in everyone's way all the time, and of being everyone's problem, but, short of killing myself, I don't know what I can do about it. If I could afford to move, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. I'm stuck. Utterly, thoroughly, disgustingly stuck.
Whew...this is really a depressing rant, today. I'm very sorry, but I just can't help it. I need to let this stuff out, sometimes, and I have no place to do it, except here. I hope you guys will forgive me and my over-emotional nitwitted-ness. I'll try to be more positive in the next rant.
(^-^)
Kaichi
